Sneak peek: We hear loads about what “good parenting” means. These tidbits usually take care of what we must be doing additional of (additional development, additional steering, additional pointers). Nevertheless what if some aspect of effective parenting entails doing a lot much less?

In case you’ve been finding out this weblog for a while, you perceive that I’m a large fan of podcasts. They’re a great way to spark new ideas. (Properly, in any case most of the ones I take heed to; not the true crime ones 😉). 

The alternative day I was listening to one in all my favorite podcasts, Hidden Thoughts. The customer was talking in regards to the idea of gasoline and friction. I nearly turned it off on account of I assumed it had nothing to do with topics I’m interested in like good parenting, psychology or human conduct.

Appears, I was glad I saved listening. On the ground, the thought appeared to principally relate to promoting and advertising and marketing — how some firms try and attraction to you to get you to buy one factor by making the product look very attention-grabbing. They add all these emotional reason you should buy it, and so forth and so forth.

What if “good parenting” seems to be like completely totally different?

The customer speaker talked about what usually firms miss is the considered friction — that part of getting someone to buy one factor or do what you want them to do is to reduce the amount of friction that is impeding them from doing (or searching for) it. 

This concept was really fascinating to me on account of it might presumably apply to so many alternative areas of life.

How can we technique a problem or a difficulty? Will we try and gasoline it by giving it additional attraction, additional vitality, and further emotional resonance?

Or can we technique it from a problem of lowering friction? That is, can we try to take away any limitations which can impede someone from doing the issue we want them to do?

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That’s the precept idea: gasoline versus friction. Will we do additional to encourage someone to do what we want them to do or can we do a lot much less and as a substitute take care of eradicating limitations?

How does this relate to parenting? After I used to be listening to the podcast, what saved coming to my ideas time and again was this would possibly apply to so many parenting circumstances.

Think about most of the parenting advice that you just hear available on the market — it’s all about gasoline.

How do I encourage my baby to do what I would love them to do?

– Arrange a plan. Have reminders and routines in place to encourage your baby to do regardless of you’re asking.

– Make it attention-grabbing. It’s also possible to make the issue that you just’re trying to get them to do additional attention-grabbing. It’s also possible to make it satisfying or pleasurable.

Okay, all these points might be good ideas, correct? Think about trying to encourage your baby to arrange on time throughout the morning and by no means dawdle. You might put charts spherical the house to level out what order points must be achieved in in any other case you wake them up earlier so that they’ve additional time to get points achieved.

These points can all work nevertheless what if we fully flipped the script? What if as a substitute of trying in order so as to add gasoline, we merely diminished the friction?

What within the occasion that they laid all their garments, backpack, and plenty of others. out the night time time sooner than? What if we even deliberate or made breakfast (collectively) the night time time sooner than? That may really reduce plenty of friction on account of there are so many fewer decisions to make.

Lowering friction to encourage cooperation

There are quite a few examples of this lowering friction to encourage our kids to cooperate:

– Encouraging youngsters to eat additional healthily. In case you’re like me, you find yourself on the retailer and also you proceed to buy points like goldfish crackers and granola bars and points that you just perceive is not going to be the healthiest and persons are all the points which is likely to be sitting throughout the pantry. What if we merely quit searching for these points and as a substitute, after they arrive residence from faculty, an infinite tray of fruit and veggies was sitting out or the makings for a healthful snack cheese and crackers or smoothies?

I do know this can doubtless sound all “pie throughout the sky” wishful pondering nevertheless I’ve seen variations in my alternatives along with my youngsters’ alternatives after I merely don’t let certain meals enter the house.

– Encouraging youngsters to be taught additional (or the least bit!). I really feel many individuals want our kids to be taught additional. My youngsters will hardly select up a e-book voluntarily. Nevertheless guess what? If I depart a e-book on the breakfast desk, 9 events out of 10 they will in any case open it and try it, notably if it has an fascinating cowl. Typically, that’s all it takes to get them started finding out it.

Actually, this is not a perfect decision to each little factor. Nevertheless I’ve found myself discovering an growing variety of strategies whereby I can merely try and reduce the friction as a substitute of trying in order so as to add gasoline to get my youngsters to cooperate. In case you attempt it, let me know! I’d like to hearken to your examples and tales.